keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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