Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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