I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
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Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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