Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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