I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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