also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
