I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize
