quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
