I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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