I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
