Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
