Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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