I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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