New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
