i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
