you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
