guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he thought i was a dude.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Randomize
