He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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