i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
