So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
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When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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