i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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