the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
