did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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