It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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