Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You work out of a Hotel?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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