i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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