White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize