my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She needs sedatives and a leash
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
