And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
