im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
