I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
