can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
