would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
