Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
