Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I look better un-naked...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
