he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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