I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
