I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
