im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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