I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize