just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
