I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
