his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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