I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
