An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
