some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
