are you so shy because you have an std?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
