i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
