oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
