When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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