i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
