? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I didn't shave. On purpose
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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