i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
