I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
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Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
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AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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