I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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