We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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