My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
