she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
