You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
