I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
