I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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