So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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