I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
