Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
