just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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