I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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