I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
