Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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