This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
