Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
