Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
