I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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