Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
