At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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