she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i came on her dog
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
