Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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