I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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